Love all around

I’ve taken my time to contemplate what this year means to me. and it is beyond words to convey.

The first year waking up to go through my mind with the realization that you are gone every day… unbelievable.  

The second year to walk by your room and feel the unimaginable pain each day…

Now five years… five years… where did the time go? It went to discovering who I could in the utmost possibility be without you, Samuel.  You were my everything… you still are… love remains. If I could change things, I would have long ago.  If I could save myself, I would have known how.  In the midst, I enrolled in graduate school and grieved… and grieved… I would have loved to have graduated as I did last summer with the wherewithal to take away my misery.  Instead, I struggled to find, post-graduate school, what would save me?  Although I have denied it so many times since your death it does still remain… love.  I wish it were for you here on Earth. Instead, it is uplifted to me day in and day out in who I experience in my life.  I love you, Sam.  There is so much of it to go around. In year five since the loss of you, I hope to share the love I have to spare since losing you.  #muchlovetosam