Since Sam’s death, my Friday has been for me… for me to meet my dear friend Robin for lunch and play Rummy… for me to have no obligations… Friday has been for me… for Sam. Today, my Friday involved meeting with my psychiatrist who has provided me with an antidepressant to deal with the depression it takes for me to deal with my loss of Sam. Today, as in the last three sessions over the past year, involved the conversation about me no longer taking the antidepressant. I recalled for him a session recently with my psychotherapist. If I no longer take an antidepressant what does that say about my loss? I’ve recovered!? I have a “new” normal!? Those thoughts I could not fathom… instead my therapist in her way, put it in a way that I could digest: I will always experience loss, I am no longer depressed. Sounds so easy; so simple. Albeit the most painful experience for a parent.
So today I begin the journey away from taking antidepressants. Something I’ve relied on the past five years to help me get through a day, a day to a week, a week to a month, then months, months to years… five years now. I love you, Sam… I always will… #muchlovetosam