A long. long, time ago

I was set on a path a long, long, time ago.  I woke up this morning, and unlike a few years ago, I didn’t first think about my son, Sam, no longer on this Earth.  Instead, I thought that it was Saturday, and I set about my way.  While driving, a thought came into my mind of Sam.  Of what might have been his last hours on this Earth.  Something I shouldn't think about, I know.  Something, I can’t help but think about, reality.  Those last moments… was he in danger, was he all alone, did he need me?  It was five years ago.

Today is my youngest son, Nick’s, 21st birthday.  I’ve never experienced anything like this.  Sadly, I never want to again.