Love again

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Dear Sam,

Five years approaches without you.  It happened so fast I have flashes of our memories it seems daily as I intolerably feel how fragile life can be.

You were a child that God took home.  I wonder what you would be like as a potential Junior in college at your voiced choice of Indiana University.  I know your brother Nick excels in his program at his college choice.  You, however, are unknown to me at this point.  Hurt, yes it does.  Healing is all the same.

When the sun rises, it will be a significant day for us.  Grandpa and grandma are enjoying a Hawaiian vacation.  Nick is doing amazing at college.  Since attending grad school and graduating, I will be moving forward as well.  

To have you here, would change everything.  To not have you here, changes everything.  I work every day to ease my pain.  Crying is too easy.  As I sat at lunch I looked up and saw a simple, silly claw machine and I was reminded of you.  As I continued to gaze, I saw within, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”  Yes, Sam, it will be.  Before, in between and after, though, there will be you.  Always you.  #muchlovetosam   

Love,

Mom