I wasn’t the girl who he fell in love with over a year ago. He had changed me. I had changed in ways I didn’t want to. Sam seemed farther away; I needed him close. He needed more of my time. I needed more time to be me; the me that Sam’s death four years ago has searchingly found me to be.
I didn’t need the change that came through drink. I prayed to God to help me get away. Walk right out. Praying the sun would come up after and let me be. I’d prefer to wake up alone but could not say so. I felt sorry for myself instead.
I needed to ease my pain. I reached out and found no one there. I tried to say so and instead I fell to the ground and as I did I felt relief. The back of my head hit the ground and bounced back and with it, I rose and walked away.
I prayed to be let go and he left me. As I wake up to a new day tomorrow, I pray still… let me be…