My love

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I thought I should stop writing.  Not because I felt better but because I felt no one cared to hear how I really felt.  It has been three years now since my beautiful, enlightening son died at 16.  He was so young I realize now as his younger brother has turned 18, graduated from high school and prepares for Purdue in the Fall.  Sam is not in college; Nick going to college is not a repeat of an experience I’ve had in some way with his year older brother.  No, this is Nick’s experience for the first time.  This is my experience for the first time.  And I love Nick.  And I miss Sam.  I wish it wasn’t my first experience.  I wish… I wish but it doesn't change my reality.  #muchlovetosam