On my drive home… Syrius playing loudly… Matchbox 20… The song is “3am.” Being one of the songs I naturally feel the rhythm to, I begin singing… actually could be considered screaming but I’m in my car and no one can hear me, right? My next thought as I’m singing the lyrics loudly and moving my arms in the air when not on the steering wheel and my top torso is feeling the beat too and fro, what the heck is this song about besides 3am? Why 3am? I think of the night my son Sam died and the death certificate time of death… again, why 3am?
Home. A google or two and at least 30 minutes later I have what my immediate search is for. The song is about someone who has seen pain and death and gone beyond that… Okay. It is about how life is so quick to leave us… Okay. How a future can be like nothing matters because it is changed in an instance… Okay. Like nothing matters because it is all going to be taken away… We have nothing and yet we have everything, because what we have and what we lose, all has an ending.
Where did that come from? Why isn’t the song just about 3am with a beat that moves me to move and lyrics that feel good when I scream them? This week is semester push week and I have many deadlines and will likely see 3am while cracking the books, so to speak. I will be lonely… yet I’m not alone. #muchlovetosam