With my soul

3/11/2015 marks ten months since Sam's passing; we miss you Sammy...

Today marks ten months since Sam passed; for a dear friend of mine, today marks three years since his son died.  None of the days following the loss of a child are ever easy but on a milepost day like this day for my friend and his family’s loss and for me and my family’s loss, I have come to question the wherewithal of my soul.  

When I awoke this morning, the state of my soul was not at the forefront of my mind to question but as the day progressed, it became more prominent in my thoughts.  I chose to attend church service today where we sang one of Sam’s all-time favorite songs; the type that he would sing after church in the car and as the Sunday would continue on, it would become a song he hummed while he did other things.  I tried to sing “All are Welcome” as vivaciously as I had heard Sam but I fell short.  I could look around though and see others singing like Sam had which let me smirk.  I reminisced as I looked at others' facial expressions as they sang so joyfully as it reminded me of Sam’s precious face.  By the end of the service, we were singing another song which would cause Sam to break out into the low baritone voice he liked and with added zest to sing triumphantly.  Unfortunately, “It Is Well with My Soul” is not a song that I could sing at all today.

I was intrigued by the thought of my soul some day being well so I went in search of the song’s background.  Torrid tragedies I found.  It turns out that prominent Chicago lawyer, Horatio Spafford wrote the words to the hymn "It Is Well with My Soul" and it was written after the tragic death of his four daughters in 1873. (He actually wrote it on the ocean while sailing near the spot where his daughters died; on the journey to meet his wife, "saved alone.")  

With our own family tragedy and today's milepost, we went to the cemetery where Sam’s gravestone will soon be and just before dusk, we let off butterfly balloons in his memory.  To many, butterflies are symbols of life and commonly associated with our souls.  For me, today was about my soul as well; and hope for some day being well with it.  Much love to Sam…