((Hearts)) in Heaven

Sam, it’s the first Valentine’s Day here on Earth since you went to Heaven.  Nick just surprised me by ringing the doorbell and running away, leaving behind for me to find a beautiful bouquet of three roses and the largest Snoopy card I’ve ever seen which inside reads, “ I finally found a valentine in proportion to my true feelings!  Happy Valentine’s Day”  Your brother does have the biggest heart I know.  Ed's as big in adult size.  Thus, I am so blessed.  And it is still early in the day yet but already I’ve thought so much about you that the tears flow constantly down my face and the tissues I’ve wiped away the tears with are beginning to form a pyramid beside my Mac.  I thought a lot about you yesterday, too, Sammy.  And the day before, and the day before, and the day before…  Our lives, cherished memories, and where does life go from here?  The wind is fierce outside now where a year ago, I could look out and see you in the yard enjoying life, whether sunshine or snow.  On the screened porch, I can hear the chimes that remind me of you so loud and clear from the wind gusts.  Today, there was a gust so large that as the wind whipped across the yard it blew over the outdoor grill now covered for winter on the patio.  The same grill that you and Nick got Ed for Father’s Day probably five years ago now.  I remember you helping move it around on the back patio many times.  And Ed showing you how to cook on it in the last few years.  I remember you playing football in the backyard while many a steak, hamburger or hot dog was being grilled.  The last meal you had here on Earth was a steak from that grill; Ed made it for you and your leftover stayed in the refrigerator until it just had to be thrown out but even then I didn’t want to let go of it because I never want to let go of you.  I so miss you, Sammy; I don’t know what other words to say to express my mother’s love and loss for you right now.  I so miss your tried-and-true, heartfelt son’s love for me.  I miss hearing you call me, "Ma."  Nick's term of endearment is "momma" and yours, "ma."  And as I finish typing these words the wind has slightly hushed, the sun has shone briefly through the clouds and snow flurries have begun to fly across the yard now.  Still I miss you, I miss you, I miss you… Happy Valentines in Heaven, Sammy… Love, Mom